Thursday, March 06, 2008

Hey, Cole, suck it up and pitch already! I feel so sorry for you that you're only making $500,000 in your second full year. And you're 22.

Baby.


I was flattened by the flu earlier this week and being confined to bed, finished "The Mauritius Command" in two days. I had to ask Dad to bring Book 5 today when he visits, though how I will explain that in my weakened state a book was easier to hold than the pieces of paper of his manuscript I do not know....

Now I will tell you the story of the Blessed Flu-Induced Contact Lens Miracle. Yesterday, since I had rejoined the ranks of the living and was going back to work I decided I would forego my glasses and look nice and put my contacts in. So I'm standing in the bathroom and I put my right contact in and it's kind of blurry. I put my left contact in and realize I can't really see. So I think, Huh, maybe they've lost their structural integrity [as they have not done in the previous 20 years that I've worn contacts??] So I break out a fresh pair. Then I put the right contact in and it's still blurry, so I think, Huh, I must have reversed them somehow... and switch them around. And it's still blurry. So I take them both out. So then I put the right one back in and it's still blurry and I think, Huh, the flu must have drained fluid out of my eyeball so that my contact doesn't fit anymore. [because that's what happens!] I'll have to call the eye doctor! So I take the contact out and look around and realize, Hey I can see really well! The flu must have altered the shape of my eyeball so that now I can see clearly!! And then I look closer in the mirror and realize that I already have a contact lens in my right eye. What? 

The only thing I can figure is that I must have put it in when I got to the bathroom and then immediately forgot I had it in. Whoa..... That's a scary insight into how my mind is working!! (or not working, actually...)

7 Comments:

Anonymous Curlygirl said...

I love you Mr. Magoo sister! Your story makes me feel better about all the loopy things that I do!

1:26 PM  
Anonymous ks said...

At least you didn't leave the house without any pants on. Which I've done, sort of. Long story.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Gus's Granddad said...

Wel-l-l, maybe considering your mentally-impaired vision, perhaps it was just as well that you didn't start editing on Tuesday or Wednesday. But, now that it's Thursday, and your mind is as clear as your vision.........

4:49 PM  
Anonymous diana said...

cg - anything I can do to make YOU feel better!!!

kel - i believe this is the SECOND time you've mentioned leaving your house without your pants on. Perhaps you should post the story???

gg - yes, my mind is clear now, but you made the tactical blunder of bringing over Book 5! It's next week when you hold Book 6 hostage that my mind will REALLY be clear!

4:58 PM  
Anonymous ks said...

It's happened more than once.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

Drool. I loves me some Cole Hamels.

9:31 AM  
Blogger diana said...

ks - Ummm...... story please?

sally - I guess he's okay - if you like that tall, dark, handsome, talented, rich, young, type! If I'm going for the young handsome (but less talented) Phillies player, I like me some Ryan Madson, though...

5:39 PM  

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